It has been such a hard year! I can not even begin to explain my frustration of the past year, and it is hard to believe that it has been almost a year since I began this journey of getting my first positive for my first angel. It is hard looking back over the past year and seeing how I have gone through 3 miscarriages which have filled me with so much pain and guilt.
Over the past week I have gotten my hopes up to only again have them shattered. Last Saturday, I took a pregnancy test and to my surprise and delight there was a beautiful 2nd pink line. I was SOOO excited....but tried to not think to much into it until the line was really dark, because I was so excited I took 4 different tests including 2 different brands and ALL of them had a 2nd line. After a year of multiple mc's and heartache I couldn't contain my excitement....only to have it shattered the next day. The next day I tested again ready to see it even darker and the line was gone. I took 5 tests that day and all of them were negative. I just wanted to cry...why God why? Why did I have to get my hopes up? Why??? Since then I have continued testing while waiting for the evil AF to show, and they all have come back negative. Not only are they negative but I have all of these pregnancy symptoms such as Nausea for the past week, cramps, and many others. I wish TTC wasn't such a hard process...I wish there was no pain! I just wish that I could have my beautiful rainbow! But I know that I need to just trust God's plan!
