Wow!!! I didn't realize how stressful pregnancy is! Last week I got a beautiful positive on multiple tests including a digital. I was so excited although somewhat scared at the same time. My fears of losing another one and having more mc's and more babies waiting for me in heaven, then births and children on earth. It is so scary, frustrating, and hard. I keep crying out to God begging him to allow me to keep this baby and to take it home with me. I don't know if that is going to happen and that scares me but I am trusting that God is working it all for his good. I know if he allows me to mc again that God will get me through. I honestly dont know how I will get through but somehow and I can only do that through God and my family!
I got my blood drawn yesterday and will again tomorrow to see if my levels are increasing the way they should be. I am praying that they do but I am concerned that they wont. I am afraid that my nausea and sore boobs mean nothing, and that the spotting that just started today mean everything. My tests are still strong, but I can't help being scared.
It is so weird to not be super excited about being pregnant but I know it is because in the past year my innocence has been taken, after three healthy beautiful boys, I have struggled and struggled to keep a pregnancy. I have had at least 3 MC's in the past year with a possible chemical in there from last month. It is heartbreaking, devastating, and crushes me to the core.
Please God be with me, and be with this beautiful baby. I thank you for everyday you have allowed this baby to be in my belly and I ask that I enjoy everyday. I beg of you to allow me to bring this baby home and care for it. Please entrust this baby to me, my arms, my family. Help me get through the struggles, pains, and emotions that I am going through. In your name ~ Amen
