Thursday, May 10, 2012

second Miscarriage

I am devastated, angry, sad, hurt, emotional, and heartbroken. I don't even know how to share of my pain that I am going through. Going through the first miscarriage was SOO hard, it tore me a part and now having to go through this again.

Yesterday I started bleeding....not just a little I had a big gush of blood. As soon as I started bleeding the cramps started getting stronger. I continued to pray and ask God to allow me to keep this baby and begged him not to take another baby from me. I went to bed still bleeding and it slowly turned into spotting. So the next morning I called the doctor and made an appointment. I was still spotting but after about an hour of being up I starting bleeding heavy again, and this time with some small clots. I was again devastated and continued crying out to God begging him to let me keep my baby. I went to my appointment and the U/S tech informed me that instead of the baby being between 6-7 weeks along the sac only measured 4 weeks and 4 days. I was crushed. They told me to go home and wait and in the meantime they are checking my blood. They told me that maybe I ovulated late...but how can I ovulate the same day that I found out I was pregnant. I just know it is gone. I came home crushed and began bleeding again heavier and with lots of clots still have not passed the sac but praying that God will take it quickly so I can begin to go through the mourning process again! I am so devastated that I will never be pregnant again, I am mad at my body, I hate all pregnant women....life is SOOOOO unfair.

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