The pain still continues on as I continue to miscarry everything. I just want this to be over so I can continue on I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I am so depressed and discouraged that it is hard for me to even continue on. I just want to lay here and cry! I keep screaming out in tears to God asking him WHY??? Why me? Why did you even allow for me to get pregnant all 3 times? I would have rather been mad at Him for me not getting pregnant then me having to go through the pain. Will I ever hold MY baby? Will I ever have another baby in my belly? Will this happen again? WHY????
I am really struggling, I hear of someone who is pregnant, I see someone with a beautiful belly, or I see a newborn and I instantly hate that woman and get more mad at God. I hate the jealousy I have and I have been praying that God will take the jealousy away and help me in being truly happy for these women. I feel like I can't control how I feel or my anger I just get more and more angry and God and my body. I just wish the pain would go away!
Please know the feelings your feeling are normal. God is big God, he can handle you being mad at him.
ReplyDeleteWe will never know why God allows babies to leave us too early. We will never know this side of Heaven why God allows us to get pregnant only to allow our babies to die.
I know the pain and jealously you feel. I hate it too. I use to love seeing the bellies and now they make me want to scream. The babies don't hurt as much anymore but the bellies kill me.
I tried to teach myself to change my thinking around when I saw the bellies. Instead of wanting to scream or cry when I saw the bellies. I would thank God that they didn't go through the pain I went through twice. I would pray that God would allow her to keep her baby and that she would never experience the pain I was and still feel.
The thing is you never know what they've been through. Maybe they tried for years to get pregnant. Maybe they took have lost a baby or babies.
Satan wants you to be jealous. Trust God and continue to cry out to him. Let God hold you and carry you when you feel like you can't go on.
Is there a support group close to you? I have found that to be helpful. Just keep sharing your story and take it day by day and if needed hour by hour or minute by minute.
Thank you so much I am so glad that it is normal how I am feeling. I hate feeling this way but at least I know I am not alone in my feelings. I am going to try and thank God every time I see a prego belly or a baby. The only support group that I have is a group on facebook...I don't actually know any of the face to face. I have had friends try and support me but it is hard because they don't know at all how I feel! =/
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I didn't see you replied. You are not alone! May of us feel that way. It is so hard and we're not in control. God is in control. And that doesn't always make it easier.
ReplyDeleteI started a group called "Birthday Cards for Angels". Look it up on facebook and request to join.
Here is my email, christi.orme@yahoo(DOT)com
I am here if you need to talk.
I don't know how I missed this. Thanks so much for replying! It is good to know I am not alone. I will def have to check you out on FB. I am staying away from fb for awhile but when I get back on I will check it out! Thanks for the encouraging thoughts!
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