It happened.....after being in pain for the past few days it finally happened last night and I lost my 3rd baby! I don't think it ever gets easier. I am just ready for the physical pain to be over with so I can begin the healing process.
My oldest son the other day was praying for a miracle for us and our baby it was so precious the way he was praying. Then when he got done, he turned to me and said, "Mom if God doesn't give us our miracle grandpa has big arms he can hold all three of our babies." I lost it after he said that it was so sweet, and innocent and it just brought me to tears. I am so thankful to have such sweet little boys.
I still am angry with God, I don't know why I had to go through this three times now. I would have rather been mad at God for not getting pregnant than going through this 2 more times. I think the only peace/hope that I have is that one day I am going to hold all 3 of my babies again. I am still praying to add a 4th child to our family but at the same time I don't know that I want to risk going through this a 4th time. I pray that God will grant me peace and hold and comfort me through this awful time.
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