I don't understand God!!! Before my first miscarriage we had decided we were content with our three boys and that we were done. Then BAM we found out we were pregnant. We were so excited, I felt great, sick but great, then at my first U/S my heart is crushed when we find out the baby is gone. Then my desire is to have another baby so we decide to try again, we tried for 5 months, and had decided that April was our last attempt and BAM it once again happened and the amazing thing was it was our anniversary baby so that made it even more special. Then once again that precious life was ripped away from me. I never got to meet either of those beautiful babies, I didn't get to hold them, find out what they were, and I was shattered. Why did God allow for this to happen twice? Why do I have to go through this more then once. I just don't understand what God is doing or why! I was really struggling, hating life, and just depressed. Then when everything started showing that I wouldn't even Ovulate right after miscarriage I once again found out I was pregnant again for a third time. I was ecstatic, over joyed, and felt at peace. I felt like everything was going to be perfect, and I saw myself having dreams and plans of our future baby. Then randomly today I decided to take another pregnancy test just because I wanted to see those two beautiful lines....well I tested and the 2nd line was A LOT lighter then it had been on Sunday (two days prior). So I tested again thinking it was a bad test...but nope that one was lighter also. Then I tested in the afternoon and again at night and each time it is getting lighter and lighter. I am so beyond frustrated right now. I don't understand God and why now it appears that this is once again happening for a third time.
I feel like God gives me hope then shatters me by taking it away. I can't go through this again, I am miserable, emotional, and feel like I can't get off of this roller-coaster.
I feel your pain. I carried Isaac for 15 1/2 weeks praying God would allow him to live and come home with us. But at my 15 1/2 week songram, we found out Isaac had pasted away about 4 to 7 days prior.
ReplyDeleteWhat killed me was I started spotting at 5 weeks and 4 days. But the baby continued to do well. Through the spotting and discharge, he continued to grow and stay safe. And then at around 13 weeks, it all stopped. And I thought God was giving us a mircle. I thought that finally we would be ok. Only to find out 1 1/2 weeks later he had passed away.
Then to get pregnant 2 months later, only to loss Sweet Pea at 7 weeks and 2 days.
We tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with Isaac. And then to lose him and his brother (we don't know for sure, but I feel like Sweet Pea is a boy). Just kills me.
For me we found out it is me, my body is killing the babies. Out of no where (I have had 5 healthy babies before this) I have 2 blood clotting disorders and a couple other things that showed up. The blood clotting disorder is killing the babies. So if we do ever get pregnant again, we'll do blood clotting injections to see if that will help. But we have agreed. We'll try one more time. If we lose a 3rd baby, we're done.
My heart goes out to you. Praying you'll pass the baby soon. Have they done any blood testing on you? You need to have them look into why your losing babies. Praying you'll get some answers.
Thanks so much for your story! I hate that you have had to go through that as well! My doctor has not done any testing yet...she told me we had to wait until 3 times, so now I am going to fight to get some answers. I need to know what is wrong. They had told me it had to do with progesterone, but I was on progesterone this third time and it didn't work.
DeleteI hate and I mean hate that doctors make us go through more than 1 loss before they will do any testing. I hope that you will find answers and that this will never happen again.
DeleteI hate that they make us go through more then 1 as well. I wish that they would just start testing. I am praying that we will be able to find some answers soon.
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